I would be willing to guess that every person listening to me has had somebody in their life, lie, steal, connive, mistreat, humiliate, patronize, undermine, or otherwise maim them. And then, to add insult to injury, follow up this unpardonable assault by saying: "Don't take it personally."

Ha. Pardon me? Don't take it personally? Am I not a person? Are you not doing this to ME.

The damage, the anger, the rage, the injustice, loss and pain you have created certainly affects me personally. But, I'm not supposed to feel that? I am supposed to what? Shrug my shoulders and tap dance away, comforted on a cold night when I have no job and they've turned off the electricity, by the knowledge that it "was not personal?"

"Que barbaridad!:" As they say in Colombia. What a barbarity!

The "Don't take it personally gambit" is classic passive-aggressive technique, and if I am anything, I'm an expert on passive-aggression, having lived with it all my life.

One day, some passive-aggressive manipulator is going to sweetly smile and say: "Don't take it personally" and I'm going to yank them across the table shout in their face or otherwise wreak physically damage to their person. I am just getting a little bit too old for this.

Now, let's take apart, or unpack this, "Don't take it personally" thing.

A person has just harmed you. They have just eliminated your job, cut your salary, stolen your grant money, misappropriated your funding, disposed of you or your work without notice or consideration, but there they are, sitting across the table from you, (usually) smiling and saying to you "It's not personal."

Are they friggin' insane? Of course, it's personal.

What they are trying to do is to shift the onus of bad behavior from themselves to you. They, have not eliminated your job, cut your salary, stolen your grant money or misappropriated your funding. They are operating in the interests of a higher ideal. They are doing it in the interests of the newspaper, the needs of the company, the further glorification of the university. etc. etc. etc.

They are trying to convince you, in a game of smoke and mirrors that you (not they) are reacting unreasonably. That is how they sleep at night. That is how they look themselves in the mirror in the morning. They are performing a professional task. You are inappropriately indulging in a personal (and therefore small minded and emotional) reaction.

Their very tone derides you. How could you possibly respond to this personally?

My friend Guido once said about a similar outrage: "I cannot wrap my mind around that sucker." Well I can wrap my mind around it quite well, and given a few more years, I might just wrap a lamp cord around the throat of anybody that says it. To anybody. After all, it's not PERSONAL.

I have often told my husband that if I am ever diagnosed with an incurable disease, I am going to buy an Uzi. I going to keep a list and frequently reassign position on that list depending on the volume and viciousness of repulsive behavior displayed primarily by my colleagues, acquaintances and supervisors. Once I have the diagnosis, I am going to start with Number 1 on that list, and I have a sneaking feeling that those who said "Don't take it personally" will rank right up there in the top ten of the take out ranking.

I'm perfectly willing, by the way, to accept nominations. Get in touch.